But Bill Gates is an Honorable man
Friends, Coders, Net Junkies, lend me your ears,
I come to praise Windows, not bury it!
The good of code like this is oft talked up;
The cost is buried in the legal crap.
So let it be with Windows. The noble Gates
Hath told you Windows quite cheap and good.
If it were so, it is a coding feat,
And Windows rightly spread across the Earth.
Here, under leave of Bill gates and the rest --
For Bill Gates is an honorable man,
So is Microsoft, honorable all --
Come I to speak 'bout Window's legal state.
I don't use it, it costs just too darn much.
But Bill Gates says it is quite cheap and good,
And Bill gates is an honorable man.
It crashed each day and disappointed me,
Then crashed my bank, 'cause good code don't come free.
Did this in Windows seem affordable?
I saw BSOD, but Windows didn't care.
Good code, I think, should always try() and catch().
Yet Bill Gates says it is good code, and cheap,
And Bill Gates is an Honorable man.
You saw they were accused, "Monopoly!"
Convicted guilty and then forced to change,
But they did not. Is this good business form?
Yet Bill Gates says it is quite cheap and good,
And sure, he is an honorable man.
I speak not to disprove what Bill Gates says,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all have used it 'cause "its all that's out".
Why then do you not cry "Monopoly!"
O Judgement, thou are fled to stupid beasts,
And men have lost all reason!
Bear with me.
My heart is buried with my lost choices,
And I pause til I afford Vista.
--Snarky's Life, Act 21, Scene 8
--(See the original here)
Where did this come from? Why the second Monopoly related suit against Microsoft (the first being the 2002 case brought by the Department of Justice... who actually say they're happy with the results), this time from Iowa. Microsoft lost, the charge was overpricing due to lack of competition, and they've been forced to pay $179 million to Iowans who get in on the class action lawsuit! Most of you know by now that I should be jumping for joy, mainly out of what's turned into blind hatred (for Microsoft does turn out good products on some occasion) due to bad business practices and the fact that I can get just as good an OS for free yet I see my friends having to shell out $200 to get an OS.
Of course, every silver lining has a dark cloud, and this just proves they're a monopoly even more. Whatever is left over from the payouts is going to be giving to the state of Iowa for their schools. Hmm... putting it like that makes them sound like a benevolent company, I'll also tell you they're giving the schools MS vouchers. That's right! They're "paying" the schools in money that will be turned right over to the company again! Sure, they'll end up losing a little money due to not being able to get money in from the outside, but they're not really losing that much money either. Nor are they giving the schools any choices in how to spend this money. The individual citizens get cash, they can spend that however, but all the money the schools are getting are supporting Microsoft products! And this from a suit that says Microsoft is a monopoly!
And finally, the reason I'm sure that there's going to be a LOT of money in those vouchers supporting Microsoft, the payoff is laughable:
- $16 per copy of Microsoft Windows or MS-DOS
- $29 per copy of Microsoft Excel
- $10 per copy of Microsoft Word, Works, and Home Essentials software
As of 2000, Iowa had a population of 2.9 million (according to the US census), and as of 2006 they have darn close to 3 million. Now, lets say every single inhabitant bought 1 copy of Windows (from the period 1994 to 2006), that's only $48 million and a gross overestimate since most users get their copy of Windows bundled with their computers. Add to that every member of the population buying a copy of Excel and Word (again, a gross over estimate) and the total pay off, assuming they ALL file for this lawsuit, would be $165 million. That still leaves $14 million of vouchers for schools. Sure, by those estimates its a small percentage, but this would buy 70,000 copies of Windows Vista Business (at $200 a copy). Of course, they'd have to upgrade their systems, if Iowa's school networks are as good as Fairfax County's (which they won't be as Fairfax recently was one of the best funded school systems in the country) they'll have to upgrade the RAM in every single system, at least. So more likely this money would end up causing the school systems to spend MORE money than they ordinarily would as that $14 million won't pay for any hardware upgrades.
But, of course, Microsoft is not a monopoly, and Bill Gates is an honorable man.
